I Miss, I Wish, I Can, I Am

Just a few thoughts, on a weekend morning.

It’s been three weeks since I last saw my students. Those three weeks seem like an eternity. Thing is, if it were summer vacation I would be thinking “wow, those three weeks went by way too fast.” These weeks are different. They have been long. Way too long.

I miss my kids. I miss their smiles, I miss their excuses, I miss their enthusiasm. Heck, I even miss having to tell some of them to wake up. I miss telling them to move through the hallways faster. I miss the conversations in the hallways that made me late to class. I miss the fist bumps. I miss telling stories, and I miss hearing them. I miss the crazy games of Kahoot or Gimket, and hearing the banter between teams. I miss the “yes sir” and the “let’s go!” I miss the introduction to the newest gaming terminology, and I miss their shudders when I try to say those phrases. I miss the coffee conversations, and I miss the “lunch dates.” I miss the unorganized binders, and I miss all the handouts left all over the floor. I miss the constant battle of trying to stay on task and the intentional efforts to keep me off task. I miss sitting at my desk, at the end of the day, looking out at my empty desks celebrating victories and crying over brokenness. I miss my kids. I miss my kids. I miss my kids.

Who could have imagined this to have ever come to be. To have something sacred taken away so suddenly…it’s unimaginable.

I wish I would have not taken my time for granted. I wish I could go back to that last day and say a few more things. I wish I could complain one more time about our sketchy internet connection, or dysfunctional Chromebooks. I wish I could walk in Monday morning, first block and tell them they should not be tired because they had the whole weekend to sleep. I wish I could be there for that student who is home alone, and scared. I wish I would have deepened more relationships. I wish I would have been a bit more patient when listening to the excuses about missed assignments. I wish I would have spent a few more minutes chatting about the new “binge worthy” show. I wish I would have sat down next to my kids more and just chatted. I wish I would have taught a lot of lessons a little differently. I wish I would have gotten off track a bit more. So many things I wish I could have done just a little differently. I wish…I sincerely wish.

“Remember, you can’t change your past. But you can create your future. Don’t get stuck thinking about what you should have done. Think about what you can and will do and start taking action today.”

Jon Gordon, Stay Positive

I can do this. I can learn. I can continue to reach out to my kids. I can learn about different methods. I can still have coffee with them, and even have lunch with them, just in a different way. I can still hear their stories. I can still torment them with “gaming terminology.”  I can still influence. I can still invest in them and they in me. I can still be me. I can still grow as a teacher and as a person. I can still teach the required content. I can still prepare them for life. I can still model. I can reflect. I can still teach. I can do this. I CAN!

“Passion provides the resilience needed to ‘get past’ and ‘get through.’ Passion gets you through the days that are the hardest. Passion fights off the lingering effects of those days. It’s passion that gets you back on the positive track.”

Kevin Eastman, Why The Best Are The Best

I am proud. I am proud of my kids for adjusting so well to this new norm. I am motivated to provide for them. I am excited for this new adventure. I am here for them. I am going to tell them what I wished I would have said. I am going to reach out to those students who are alone and need their teacher more than ever. I am going to be patient when I hear, via email or DM, why their assignment is late. I am going to value those Zoom calls like gold. I am going to chat about “binge worthy” shows. I am going to sit down and have that lunch with some of them. I am excited. I am proud. I am still their teacher. 

“You are more powerful than your circumstances. They don’t define you.”

Jon Gordon, Stay Positive

Maybe we are at a distance now. Sure, life is different. But the mission doesn’t change. I am still their teacher and they are still my kids. And you…you are still their teacher! You are still their voice, and you remain their rock. We can do this. We can do this together. Let’s keep fighting this good fight together.